The Pubs Back Home
Y’know said the Scotsman, I still prefer the pubs
back home in Glascow. there’s a little bar called
McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.
Well, said the Englishman, at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.
Ahhhhh, that’s nothing, said the Irishman. Back home in
Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims. But he swears every word is true.
Well, said the Englishman, did this actually happen to
you? Not me meself, personally, no, said the Irishman….
But it did happen to me sister.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.
The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. Oh, no, he, says, everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.