An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.
The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. Oh, no, he says, Everyone is fine. It’s me…
…I’ve quit drinking!
The Pubs Back Home
Y’know said the Scotsman, I still prefer the pubs
back home in Glascow. there’s a little bar called
McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.
Well, said the Englishman, at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.
Ahhhhh, that’s nothing, said the Irishman. Back home in
Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims. But he swears every word is true.
Well, said the Englishman, did this actually happen to
you? Not me meself, personally, no, said the Irishman….
But it did happen to me sister.
Y’know, said the scotsman, I still prefer the bars back home. In Glasgow, there’s a bar called Mc’tavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals. So much so, that when you buy 4 drinks, he buys the 5th one for you.
Well, said the Englishman. At my local, the Red Lion, The barman there will buy you your 3rd drink, after you buy the first two.
Ahhhh ! That nuthin, said the irishman, back home in Dublin, there’s a bar called Ryans, now the moment you step in the door, they’ll buy you a drink, then another. All the drinks you like. Then, when you’ve had enough, they’ll take you upstairs and see you get laid. All on the house.
The English man and Scotsman immediately poured scorn on his claims, but he swore everything was true.
Well, said the Englishman, Did this actually happen to you?
Not to meself, personally, said the Irishman, but it happened to me sister