Comments on: I now have to do something?

By: robert x

robert x — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 03:36:03 +0000

Its never easy answering questions like yours because of the complications that could affect your life if you act on something that’s has been said in here with good intentions.
Perhaps the first thing you ought to do is ask if your hubby will sit and talk the whole thing over with you, then find out whether he is willing to go to relate, or some other counselling organisation. after this perhaps a chat to your doc about the need for Prozac, and whether he can prescribe something else .

The trip to Dublin sounds nice, but assuming that your hubby is the soul bread winner i think its unfair of you to chastise him when after all its his efforts that are providing the money your family needs. Some women would love good bread winners, lots have dead beat partners who abuse them in many ways.

By: elizabeth s

elizabeth s — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 20:01:09 +0000

i would leave him and start a new new life with your kids because it will rub off on them if you stay in an unhappy marrige and devote yourself to your kids and get all your cofidence back ans your career. i know it is hard to take the first step but once you have done it you will feel better. and if you do decide to leave dont take him back because he will think he has won. if you leave him amke yourself look that you are better without him and you dont need him it will take time for you to feel better but it will be worth it in they end.
let me know what you decide. i was in a relatonship like that but had no kids and found somone else and now are getting married. and now he hates the fact that i have bettered my self and are better wthout him.

By: howshaw

howshaw — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 10:11:53 +0000

Reading between the lines it sounds very much as though the main concern is low self esteem. I do not know if your husband is the major reason for this, it may be that he is but its a difficult one. You mention eating for comfort and you refer to yourself as a fat boring housewife. You also mention feeling suicidal! that is worrying. You do not make much of loving him. It may be that your parranoia about his text messages is just a symptom of your low self esteem. What I am saying to you is that he may be a little alienated by your behavior if you are feeling low and giving off bad vibes. I can suggest a possible remedy for your problem. Try to put your husband on the back burner for a while and concentrate on yourself. There is nothing wrong with pampering yourself a little. Try to find the strong confident woman that is inside you. Firstly I would try to hold off on the Prozac. Every up has a down hot on its heels so the last thing you want is a crash. Go for a walk and make it a fitness walk. Put trainers on and look purposeful. Aerobic excercise will give you a natural high with no crash and I can promise you that it will make you feel alive. If you can pick up on the fitness it will soon start to show on you. Have your hair done and buy yourself some clothes that make you feel good. If you can put a few things together such as healthy eating, a fitness program and a busy little agenda it may turn out that he takes more notice of you. If he is still a problem by the time you have made yourself into the woman you deserve to be then you can take a look at fixing him. anyhow good luck.

By: JadeyOz

JadeyOz — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 07:33:13 +0000

My 2nd husband was receiving dirty texts and phone calls from a woman who claimed to be both our friends I didnt know about the phone calls or texts until 1 night which I think she did on purpose , she slipped and mentioned a call to him the Monday before , then I was made to look the fool because she said right in front of him I told you I called him and texted him.

After that I checked his phone regularly , I’d never been one to not trust him or get insecure or even spy on him but I needed to know what these text messages were for a while she didnt text him and as far as I knew she didnt ring him , but then 1 day after a cpl of weeks a text appeared , he’d gone fishing and accidently left his phone at home it read Hi **** have you left yet? I’ll ring you tomorrow I am busy right now I wish I could ring you I have such dirty thoughts running through my mind.

I was shocked and when I confronted him he claimed he had no idea she knew he was going fishing or why she would be saying such things.That was the end of the game with her and I became a nervous wreck scaring friends off with my frantic rage attacks , he behaved up until 11 months later and then a new woman appeared and the same thing all over again , as I had done with the friend I confronted the woman he worked with and was told We’re just friends , he took both of these women’s side over mine screaming yelling at me and he was ready to end our marriage to save his friendship with this woman.

You may not want to believe he’s cheating but he wouldnt be putting you 2nd to others if he wasnt I am sorry hunny but you need to ditch him and get your % of the divorce good luck.

By: sunshine

sunshine — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 18:01:19 +0000

I think that his behaviour is controlling and I think he knows that you’re a mug as you stay around when he treats you like this, and therefore continues as knows he can get away with it. The sad thing is though, he’s managed to **** out all of the self esteem you used to have from you and now you’re left with nothing but unhappiness, and not enough strength to leave.

I know you keep going for the kids, but this situation isn’t nice for them and I feel it may be time that you and the kids moved on from this man and let him do the chasing for a change. The Dublin trip would have been the decider for me, to be honest. Says it all.

Best of luck, and please find someone locally (woman’s aid?) to speak to and don’t do anything to yourself (suicide etc). You’re worth a lot more than the life that you’re in, so try to find the strength to leave….or better still get him to leave.

By: punxsutawney phil

punxsutawney phil — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 17:55:24 +0000

I think that you cannot blame the sea for sinking a boat. The sailor just wasn’t good enough to handle it.
Find yourself a nice calm pond.

By: shestl

shestl — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 05:41:49 +0000

you do have some issues on your hands. I think that his game playin has went on for so long he is comfortable in the thought of having his cake and eating it too. Just like a kid, they will test you to see what they can get away with, and if they can then why stop if nothin is gonna happen. I think you being a stay at home mom, you have too much time on your hands to pay attention to his games and what he is doing and looking through his phone. Ever heard the song You just do you, Im a do me. Tha’s what I would do. Sometimes you have to do a little reverse psychology. I think he is enjoying you trippin off of him. If you find more things to do and focus on yourself and make your day busy so you ain’t trippin off him. Go exercise during the day, go visit family more or fiends and just have a life of your own. If you start acting like the things aren’t bothering you then he will pay more attention. This is what I would do if I wasn’t considering leaving him, I know you guys have kids together. But if it was me, I would have left him years ago. But seriously if communication doesn’t work, you can let your mental health and physical health run down. You have to pick yourself up, do you, and be a strong woman and sorround yourself with things in your life wher you don’t have to sit up and sob over him.

By: Steph

Steph — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:46:51 +0000

You need hard evidence to satisfy your curiosity.
Tell him you are taking the trip with the kids regardless.
Instead of going to Dublin, take the kids to a relatives house while you get your camera ready for some real life action.
Yes, you have the perfect opportunity to spy on him.
Either have him followed or watch the house. Surly he will take advantage of this time without you to entertain his affairs.
Hopefully, you find he is innocent therefore you can claim your sanity back. If not, he will have some explaining to do.
Good luck.

By: nicola c

nicola c — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 19:43:00 +0000

Hi, i’m on anti-depression tablets at the moment. go back to your docs as i have been on prozac and they made me feel worse. i went from nearly 15stone by over eating and feeling really low in my ex relationship. I was in the relationship because it was my kids Dad not that i loved him. 16 months on i have finished with my ex boyfriend and he moved out. he is a really bad dad and doesnt see hes kids but they no longer care, i have a new partner and are trying for a baby, i’m still on anti-depression tablets, i dont over eat and have lost over 3 stone. Try and talk to C/A/B about advice on break ups and kids, I know 100% if you get rid of you husband you feel better in time, I’m 32 and my boyfriend is 25. you should be happy.

be strong for your kids as your kids will keep you strong, when your feeling low, go and give your kids and hug.

Take Care

By: heather h

heather h — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:39:28 +0000

Your choices are probably limited in this situation.
Basically between taking action or avoiding it.
It is obvious that you have let him destroy your life. You don’t even have a life. He has consumed himself in his work which gives him something to live for, and you on the other hand have nothing.
So I say have something to live for. Either leave him and begin a life for yourself, or stay with him, show him that you need to do more with your life then be a helpless housewife and do something that you deem meanful. Make it your life work instead of him.
Maybe if you show him that there is more to life then living it FOR him then maybe he’ll feel like he has to do MORE for you.
Oh by the way, about the trip. Give him one warning, tell him that you are going to do it with him as a couple or without him for yourself. And stick to it. If it’s bought and paid for enjoy it one way or another. He’ll feel like an *** when he’s at home with the kids playing your role and his own while you’re out having fun.
Good luck honey and keep your head up!