a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big a$$…she goes…why you…..and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room…fixes him self up….combs/fixes his hair…..straightens out his glasses…puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her….boy u got small *****…..she says do i really…hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off….take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your *****…she says omg…do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it…it worked on your big a$$ didnt it…..

so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He saysMake me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring. His friend saysCome back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you.So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friendwallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!? His friend saysRelax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set.

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now….. I guess. The head pharmacist says,Are you crazy?? You can’t sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!? The assistant pharmacist says Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He’s too scared to cough now!!…..

*star*

Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.

What happened to you? asks Sean, the bartender.

Jamie O’Connor and me had a fight, says Paddy.

That little shit, O’Connor? asks Sean. He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.

That he did, says Paddy, a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.

Well, says Sean, you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have anything in your hand?

That I did, said Paddy. Mrs. O’Connor’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.